


What Lies Beneath

by LeoOtherLands



Series: All the Broken Pieces [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cheating, Love, M/M, Motivations, but it's real, nothing is perfect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 01:14:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19240843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoOtherLands/pseuds/LeoOtherLands
Summary: Love isn't perfect. It isn't bright and sparkly, and it is never happy for ever. Love is gritty and dirty and mean, but it is sure and steady and true. And it's real. Above all, it's real. Love is what lies beneath it all, and if Iruka and Kakashi know nothing else, they know this.





	What Lies Beneath

**Author's Note:**

> A doodle upon the occasion of a wedding.
> 
> Take a breath  
> Hold it in  
> Start a fight  
> You won't win  
> Had enough  
> Let's begin  
> Never mind  
> I don't care
> 
> All in all  
> You're no good  
> You don't cry  
> Like you should  
> Let it go  
> If you could  
> When love dies in the end
> 
> So I'll find what lies beneath  
> Your sick twisted smile  
> As I lay underneath  
> Your cold jaded eyes  
> Now you turn the tide on me  
> 'Cause you're so unkind  
> I will always be here  
> For the rest of my life
> 
> [What Lies Beneath - Breaking Benjamin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztJirkY5AMw)

“H-harder!” I whimpered the word, shuddering, gripping the other man’s hard shoulders, as I squeezed my eyes closed and my head canted back. He had me up against the wall, legs locked around his thin hips, shoulders braced, _forced_ , up on the wall. They, and his hands on my ass, the only things keeping me from falling.

He growled and rammed up into me, changing the angle and making me let out begging, dazed pants. I was dizzy, lightheaded, sight blurring in and out, as tears leaked out the corners of my eyes. From under my lids. I didn’t want to see. Not this.

“Iruka!” My partner demanded, and my head tilted forward, eyes opening with a grimace. An expression of both antipathy and pleasured delirium.

“S-shikamaru,” I groaned. A sob hitched up my throat, and I let my forehead drop on his shoulder. In the notch under his collarbone.

“Going to make you scream.” His voice was rough. Ground down by the effort to support me and fuck up into me.

My breaths came out in little, agonized, choked grunts with every thrust into me.

Thrust and thrust and thrust, beating up into me. Against a ball of nerves shedding molten sensation roiling across my lower regions. Torturing me like no other pain could. What I deserved.

The scream came with my release. I raised my head and let it out with the tears. Shikamaru was not done. Shikamaru kept fucking me.

My face was stained and strained when I opened my eyes. I could feel it the way I could feel Shikamaru’s teeth in my skin, right in the curve where neck met shoulder, the way I could feel the betrayed unbelief on Kakashi’s face.

He stood framed in the door; eyes flared wide. Soft. Hurt. One hand on the wall, supporting his sagging body, one arm hanging limp.

I could feel the whitening of my face the way I could feel my heart die. Not fall or break, just die.

_Meant you to see us, ‘Kashi…_

_Please gods, just hate me._

† † †

“How. How could you do this.”

It was not a question and Iruka didn’t bother to treat it like one. He just stood there, hair hanging down, that bite on his neck raw and red and open, like my heart. Taunting me, like his sick, twisted smile. His eyes were blank and dead. Cold. Jaded. Utterly unsympathetic and unapologetic.

“Well maybe if you fucked me more, I wouldn’t want to.”

My face blanched, and I dug my hands through my silver hair. “You know why I can’t ‘Ruka!”

He laughed, bitter and cruel. “Go ahead then. Start a fight you can’t win. You _know_ why I did it.”

“You’re the devil.” The words were out before I could stop them. Cutting and serrated. I could see them slice his heart. “Your sad life says it all, Iruka. That’s what this is? You want to turn it all around on me? Well fuck you! Or better yet, get Shikamaru to do it again. I’m done.”

I wiped a hand over my eyes. Dry. I couldn’t cry. Wouldn’t. To hell and to fuck with it all! I was sick of trying to make it work when he didn’t want to.

“I’ve got nothing left, ‘Ruka. If this is the way you want it, then fine.”

“It is. You think you’re the only one who’s through?” That twisted smile again. Twisting my heart. “You think I would have done it in our living room if I didn’t want you to see?”

I turned away. Unable to look at him. Unable to think. Blind. Blind and deaf and lost.

_Broken. I’m broken._

The door slammed behind me, and I was away. Where I didn’t even know, until I came back to myself in the dark and the rain and the rush of inky water in the _Naka_ River. The weight of the box pulled at my pocket.

I sobbed into my hand, releasing the pain like poison through my eyes. My fingers crept around the box, pulled it out. Small. Black velvet. I flicked in open.

The ring glowed sliver in the rain-slick and lightning flashes. I screamed at it and plucked it out of the cushion and hurled it into the river. The silver flicking and flashing, as it turned and spun end over end. Gone. All of it gone.

The sobs took me, and I was in the dirt, the muck, the gushing rain. The black. Sobbing it all out, until there was nothing left but the rain.

And the box. The open box. Empty.

I screamed. Screamed at the world.

And snapped the box closed. Clutching it in my hand.

“’Ruka.”

† † †

Cold. I was fucking cold, crying into the crook of my arm in the rain. In my pajama bottoms and bare feet. The sheeting water plastering my loose hair down and my clothes to my skin.

Where was I? _The backyard…_ It was distant, this understanding. I didn’t know anything beyond the rain and the pain, so familiar and close in my heart. I’d been unkind, but I’d had to be, had to cut Kakashi up and drive him away before I hurt him worse by staying.

I was no good.

Kakashi was right, I was the devil. Hopeless. A monster who pulled down everyone I was around and ripped them apart.

I clenched my hands, nails biting into my flesh, and screamed it to the night. Shrieked it, until I thought my throat was torn with it. Then I just whimpered. Face turned to the rain, trying to hold back the sobs.

He was gone. My silver-haired wolf, the most beautiful thing I’d ever had, was gone and I was alone again.

“K-kakashi!”

“’Ruka.”

The word was broken. Husky and roughened.

Swaying, I turned on my numb feet in an almost pivot. Dizzy again, like in Shikamaru’s arms. “’Kashi?” _No. You should be gone. You need to hate me._

He was weeping. I could see it even in the rain. See it in the puffiness of his face and the quiver of his shoulders. I shook my head in negation.

“Go the fuck away!”

“No.”

He stepped toward me. I stepped back, tripped. Would have fallen if Kakashi hadn’t caught my hand, pulling me against his chest.

“This,” he moaned. “This body against mine is what I want. Every bit of it. Everything!

“Say something! Anything.” He nuzzled into my neck where Shikamaru had bitten me. “There’s nothing left for me to lose, you’re my last chance, ‘Ruka. My fucking last chance!”

Something wet and hard and slippery was forced into my hand, between my frigid, bone-cold fingers. My breath stopped. Deadened by the little box.

“No.”

“Not that. Don’t say that.” He squeezed the hand he still held, the one not holding the box. “I can’t face the dark without you, Iruka. I don’t want to. I’m, I’m trying to forgive you!”

“No!” I thrashed in his arms, trying to break free. Trying to do _anything_ to reject it. “I don’t want your fucking forgiveness!”

But I couldn’t get away, Kakashi’s arms like vices around me. My resisting only tipping us both to the ground where Kakashi held us together. He was shaking and sobbing into my shoulder.

“Then fucking screw forgiveness. Just tell me the damn truth, ‘Ruka! Don’t tell me why you did it. I don’t want to know what lies beneath it all, I just want to know do you love me!”

I swallowed, the box dropping out of my nerveless hand to tumble open on the muddy ground. Empty. The only sound was the hissing rain streaming everywhere and the crack of thunder overhead.

A moan came out of me.

“Please gods. Please gods, I- Just hate me!”

“Don’t leave me here again…”

“Ahhh…” The sound was ripped up out of someplace deep in the hollow pit in my stomach. My arm came up and circled his heaving shoulders. “I love you, Kakashi. I don’t want to fucking hurt you!”

“’Ruka.” He groaned it out. “I’m with you forever, the end.”

I was shaking my head. Resisting. “I’ll wreck you; I’ll wreck everything. I’m falling apart.

His arms pressed me close. Just us and the rain and the box beside us in the night. “I have you, ‘Ruka. The end.”

**Author's Note:**

> Search for the answers I knew all along  
> I lost myself, we all fall down  
> Never the wiser of what I've become  
> Alone I stand a broken man
> 
> All I have is one last chance  
> I wont turn my back on you  
> Take my hand, drag me down  
> If you fall then I will too  
> And I can't save what's left of you
> 
> Say something new  
> I have nothing left  
> I can't face the dark without you  
> There's nothing left to lose  
> The fighting never ends  
> I can't face the dark without you
> 
> I wanted to forget  
> I'm trying to forget  
> Don't leave me here again  
> I'm with you forever, the end
> 
> [Without You - Breaking Benjamin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kb7zhunYGik)
> 
>  
> 
> I am an original fiction author and fan fiction writer who literally lives for comments, even if they are nothing but inarticulate vowel screams. Please give me comments people! I will literally beg for them!
> 
> This salty ball of words exists on a flotilla of social media. Feel free to friend me on Discord at LeoOtherland#7066,
> 
> Find me on Facebook on my [author page](https://www.facebook.com/LeoOtherland/) for all things original fiction, or in the [AO3 Armada group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/601270063618951) for all things fan fiction,
> 
> Or follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RoseOfOtherLand) or [Tumbler](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/leootherlands)
> 
> I seldom post and/or tweet anything, but if you want to drop me a line, I am always up for a chat.


End file.
